


We could get arrested for this

by Tails89



Series: Prompt Warmups [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, Stiles makes a joke about his tongue, eyebrow wiggle, i don't care what canon says his name is John, some of the humour is sexual, yup its pretty ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:39:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13568862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tails89/pseuds/Tails89
Summary: Turns out werewolf business involves a lot of law breaking... even when it isn't strictly necessary.





	We could get arrested for this

**Author's Note:**

> So I just finished writing a 10k whumpy fic and I needed to take a break before going back and editing... so this happened.

“We could get arrested for this!” Derek whispers irritably to Stiles. They’re crouched behind a garden wall on some dimly lit backstreet. “Stiles wait.”

But Stiles is already scampering off, ducking through the gate and behind a bush.

“You’ve already been arrested before,” Stiles replies when Derek darts in behind him. “It’s really not that bad.

“Stiles, your father is the Sheriff.”

“Exactly! It’ll be fine. Besides 90% of the stuff we do is illegal.” Stiles squints through the darkness, looking for cover closer to the house. “It comes with the territory man.” He chuckles. “Territory. Get it? Y’know cos-“

Derek silences him quickly with a hand over Stiles’ mouth. Across the yard a light has come on in the window. Two figures stand behind the glass, a dark silhouette against a burst of light.

Stiles and Derek crouch low to the ground.

After a moment the light shuts off, but Derek doesn’t move his hand. With an exaggerated eyeroll, Stiles darts out his tongue and likes a stipe up Derek’s palm.

Derek recoils with a grunt. “That’s disgusting.” He complains.

“Funny,” Stiles teases. “That’s the first time you’ve complained about me using my tongue on you.” He twists round when Derek doesn’t respond and smirks at the look on his boyfriend’s face. “C’mon Sourwolf, we’ve got to keep going.” Then he’s turning and dashing through the shadows to the next tree.

“I still think this is a bad idea,” Derek mutters when he finds his voice. They’re pressed up against the dirt under a shrub.

“Is this really any different from anything else we’ve done?” Stiles keeps his voice low.

“Stiles-”

“I mean there’s what?” Stiles starts listing things off on his fingers. “Trespassing. We do so much trespassing. What else?” He takes off, plastering himself against the house. “Theft. We’ve stolen tons of stuff for werewolf business.”

“Stiles!” Derek hisses because the window is _right there_ and Stiles just _won’t_ shut up.

”Breaking and entering. You do that one all the time.”

“You purposefully lock the door because you like it when I come in through your window.” Derek accuses. He can hear two heartbeats coming from inside the house. He directs Stiles to go to the left. The younger man nods and edges towards the far corner, but goddam it he’s _still_ talking.

“Indecent exposure.”

Derek almost trips. “What!?”

“Every time you shift you’re naked.” Stiles explains.

Now Derek is rolling his eyes and praying for this night to be over. “I’m also a wolf, Stiles,” he argues. “People don’t care about naked wolves.” They’ve made it to the corner, Derek peaks around to check the coast is clear.

“Not when you shift back,” Stiles says.

Derek pulls his head back. “I-“ Stiles has a point there, but, “You’re usually the only one around to see that.”

Stiles gasps. “Am I not a person, Derek? Maybe I find it traumatising.”

“You’ve seen me naked plenty of times.” Derek argues. “You literally wrote an essay on public perception and the influence of social expectations on everyday dress titled, Why Derek Hale Shouldn’t Wear Pants.”

“We all do things we’re not proud of Der,” Stiles brushes him off. “Besides, those are very different circumstances. Those times I’m not watching your flesh contort from animal hair to human skin.”

Derek wants to groan, but that would make too much noise and Stiles is already doing a terrible job of staying quiet. He looks to the sky and breathes, “I should have brought Scott instead.”

“You would really trust Scott with this?” Stiles takes a look around the corner and waves that it’s clear to go. The scurry along to the side door. “Scott can’t pick locks.” Stiles whispers pulling out the set of picks that his dad _definitely_ doesn’t know about.

“Scott doesn’t need to pick locks,” Derek says holding out a key.

“Dude, where did you find that?”

“I didn’t find it Stiles, it was in my pocket.”

“So we can strike off B&E then,” Stiles snatches the key.

“Nope. I’m pretty sure it’s still breaking and entering.” Derek keeps an eye out while Stiles unlocks the door.

“Fine,” Stiles sighs. “Oh kidnapping. We've kidnapped people.” He’s forgotten what finger he was up to on his list. “And stalking.”

“I’ve never stalked anyone.”

“You say that like you’ve never spent the night in the tree outside my window. I know you’ve done it Creeper Wolf.”

“I’m not a-“

“Don’t move.” The voice comes from in front of them. “Put your hands up.”

“Dude,” Stiles hisses. “You were supposed to be on look out. How the hell did you not notice anyone coming?”

“I don’t know,” Derek growls. “Maybe it’s because you wouldn’t stop talking.”

The light flicks on.

Derek and Stiles freeze in the doorway.

“What the _hell_ is going on here?”

“Dad. Daddio. Heeey.” Stiles lets his hands drop. “Surprise?”

“Stiles?” Sheriff Stilinski looks 100% done with his son’s antics. “I thought you weren’t coming home until next week.”

Stiles follows Derek and his Dad out of the laundry. “I finished my exams early. Decided to come home.

“And you couldn’t have just come in through the front door like a normal person?” John turns on the light in the living room and sits in his arm chair. Derek takes a seat across from him on the couch.

Stiles shrugs. He sits on the arm of the sofa next to Derek. “It was supposed to be a surprise.” His human ears don’t pick it up, but Derek catches John’s mutter of, “of course it was.”

“John?” Another voice calls down the stairs. “Is that Stiles?”

“Melissa!” Stiles grins.

“It’s one o’clock in the morning.” Melissa shoots Stiles a look. “Why are you breaking into your own house?”

“We just got in.” Stiles explains. “I couldn’t find my keys.”

“Because I have them,” Derek shakes his head and gives the Sheriff a ‘what can you do’ shrug.

“He’s your problem now,” John mouths back.

Derek leads Stiles back out to the car. John and Melissa have gone back to bed and Derek can’t hold back the yawn that escapes.

“Oh, I just thought of another crime.” Stiles clicks his seatbelt into place. “Your face!” He smirks. “I mean, it’s criminal just how hot you are.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on [Tumblr](https://all-hale-the-king.tumblr.com/) and send me some more prompts  
> :)


End file.
